Wake me up when November ends

Nov 19, 2024

The morning after Election Day I went to a Pilates class. I had scheduled it days before, briefly acknowledging that it was the morning after Election Day when I hit ‘book’. But at that point I’d been so convinced that I’d be waking up to news of the first ever female president, that honing my own physical strength at Pilates sounded apt. It would not be Groundhog Day. I would not feel 18 years old again.

A week prior, my fiancé (a crazy word to put in writing, we’ll get there) and I walked to the early polling location and I felt overwhelmed with excitement and emotion while we cast our votes. The woman who checked me in wore a bedazzled baseball cap that read ‘Queen’ in white script lettering. Mothers tugging on the hands of their small daughters, coffee cups and places to be, in the month of the Wicked Movie and gratitude, we’d welcome our first female president too. I’ve been alive, for 26 years, just to experience this moment. I know so many who feel the same way.

The morning after Election Day 2024 felt strikingly similar to the morning after Election Day 2016. My first election, spent in the great swing state of Michigan, and my first time voting was also a time I cast my vote for a female candidate. The floor felt like it had fallen out from underneath us when we woke up in the morning. I remember going to the dining hall, where an obvious silence had replaced the gossip and camaraderie and chatter that typically accompanied breakfast time. Food tasted like plastic and faces blurred together. There was a heaviness in the air, distinct and warm and difficult to ignore. A numbness. Glazed over eyes, And the feelings that would accompany this pain, were running late to the function. All of it would come over us as a delayed hit. It was so hard to believe, a horse pill stuck halfway down your throat, but the world kept turning and we all had to carry on too.

I went to the Pilates class. I am no stranger to canceling a workout class the morning of, but I didn’t feel like I could sit still and the same bloated silence clung to the air, the same empty numbness surrounded me as it had in 2016. But I wasn’t 18 anymore. I was 26. And so much had happened. So much had changed. But I was that hopeful girl who would go on to vote for Elizabeth Warren in the 2020 primaries at the age of 21 and would go on to volunteer on the Biden campaign in Michigan when she didn’t make it to the ballot. I was still the hopeful girl at the election watch party in November 2016, her boyfriend’s arm slung around her shoulder, both desperate for Michigan to go blue (see what I did there). Who would choose to cling relentlessly to hope, wearing it on a chain around her neck. I didn’t do pilates at the age of 18 and certainly didn’t picture myself doing it with an engagement ring on my left ring finger. Everything was different. Everything was the same.

I needed to dissociate and I needed to run fast from the glaring reality that I felt like I was teenage and in Michigan again. Someone asked me how I was when I got to class and I couldn’t find the words. Everyone showed up. Some people cried and many of us stared up at the ceiling and wished for it to be another day, another lifetime, another reality, where the capable, qualified woman doesn’t have to fight to the death just to lose, every time.

If it isn’t obvious already, I did not just vote for Harris because she is a woman. I voted for her as I thought she was the better candidate, but as a woman, a feminist, an ally and advocate, I have been waiting for a president who has experienced a menstrual cycle since I was old enough to understand that this country has never had one. ‘Making things about gender’ or ‘pulling the woman card’ is consistently weaponized against progressive women, and I do my best not to apologize when I make a point about gender disparity and discrimination. These aren’t tactics, they are facts, they are truths, steeped in hot, spiced tea. Underqualified men have more opportunity, mobility and ease in this country than overqualified women do. Not to bring the Barbie movie into it, but the scene when Ken tries to get a job at a hospital and there’s some aside about how workplaces just do a ‘better job at hiding sexism and gender based discrimination’ than they used to. Certainly, I am upset and angry about what the outcome of the election means for both Americans and America. But I am also sad for what the outcome of this election represents.

I have dreamed of having a daughter and of raising her in a world where she has never, ever known a life without a female president pretty much my entire life. I swallow hard when I realize I am truly terrified this will never be a reality. I have to choose to believe that I am wrong. Maybe I am delusional. Delusion is my kryptonite. It helps me maintain my own sanity.

Is that the biggest heartbreak of the election? No. Of course not. And as a privileged white woman, my tears and pain about the results of the election are truly for those who this outcome will impact most—Black and Brown people, those who live at or below the poverty line, the LGBTQ+ community, families of immigrants and more. I ache for these people. I commit myself to organizing and fighting for them and with them. If you are scared, if you are hurt—I ache for you and commit to doing what I can to elevate you, fight for you and use my privilege to aid you.

I have read so many think pieces about the election (few of which I will include below). I have doom-scrolled through TikToks talking about how ‘cooked’ we are, I have shared in our collective heartbreak and pain and then I have realized I need to choose to pick myself up, come together in community, choose hope and goodness, and share it with all of you. Even when it feels really messy and nearly impossible.

In my 5 years of having the responsibility of a social media platform, I’ve pushed myself to use my space online to make other people feel good. To raise your spirits, remind you of your worth, hold your hand for a minute and give it a squeeze, remind you that you’re not alone and that someone out there is proud of you, and that someone is me. At a moment like this, I realize that this will continue to be my role, and as I do my best to bring joy to your email inbox and your phone screen, I will also share resources, community organizing and activist efforts as well.

It has been 2 months since we connected via epistolary correspondence (or as close as we can get to it in 2024) and that is because I was busy having the best time of my life, while the world burned around me. It is a troubling dichotomy, one where pain looms as a reminder around me always, and I find myself feeling guilt for enjoying, for experiencing, for loving and celebrating. I got engaged in September and we ran around London for an entire day drinking wine and FaceTiming loved ones and I felt like I was the happiest girl on earth. I finished writing my beautiful second book, a piece of my heart laid out on printer paper in 12 point font. I healed my inner child on a whirlwind 3 week Wicked movie press tour of my own, spinning around in beautiful gowns with my perfect friends and holding their hands while we experienced a piece of art that means the world to me. And over and over and over again a sick feeling fell over me, a feeling so complicated—that there is no fun to be had when there is so much pain to be had too.

Let me be clear, if you have experienced a similar phenomena in recent days: joy, rest, self care, celebration and play have always been, and will always be, radical. At a time where there are people who want you to be down and stay down, at a time where there are people who want you to hurt and break, at a time where people want to loom over you like some big, terrible giant, they want to scare you and weaken your foundation—to find and maintain joy, to celebrate, to play, to come together in community, to care for yourself and to make and consume art, is radical.

As it always has, art has buoyed me through this time. The films and TV shows, musical numbers and albums, books and poems will carry me on a life raft to some foreign shore where I will figure it the fuck out. I am excited to share with you what I’ve been up to—watching, reading, listening to, obsessing over and where I’m going too.

I love you as much as I’ve ever loved.

Xx.

What I’ve Been Watching:

Nobody Wants this

Once in a blue moon, the world of streaming delivers us a sparkling diamond so fabulous, we all come together in awe and appreciation. Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody, has no shortage of fans, but I need to get on my soapbox for just a moment anyway. There are so many reasons why I fell head over heels in love with the series—from the depiction of Judaism to their relationship dynamic.

For starters, it is so refreshing to watch a TV series where a romantic relationship is at the center of the plot, and see real relationship dynamics play out. If you think about most TV series that center around relationships, the ‘issues’ plaguing the lead characters are typically just shitty communication. Not to dilute the following beloved TV romances, but most of them showcase ‘relationship problems’ that are simply just bad communication. From Blair and Chuck to Rachel and Ross and Carrie and Big, while not all of their issues would’ve been solved with healthy communication, many of them would’ve been. I find it a lazy writing tactic, when on screen relationships rely on shitty communication as their main challenge or roadblock. It frustrates me, because in the real world, communication is one of countless issues one can encounter in dating and relationships, not the only one. In Nobody Wants This I felt, for the first time, the issues Joanne and Adam were facing were tangible, realistic examples of challenges you experience in romantic relationships. Furthermore, to see a couple work out their issues by communicating and with a relatively healthy communication system was so refreshing. I think the framing device of both Adam’s deep religious connections and Joanne’s podcast and dating expertise really helped illuminate how healthy their problem solving was.

Secondly, I found it equally refreshing to watch something that depicted Judaism and the Jewish faith and culture in such a well-rounded and truthful way. As someone with lots of Jewish family members, loved ones and friends I appreciated the true to life depiction of Jewish lifestyle, customs and traditions. I’ve spoken to many of my friends and loved ones who have fallen a bit from their Jewish upbringing, traditions or religious customs who even said that the series inspired them to reconnect with that side of themselves out of nostalgia.

The subplots were sparkly, the dialogue was witty and well paced, and the series left me absolutely begging for more. I can’t recommend it enough!

10/10

Wicked

Wicked week is finally here! It feels like the anticipation for the Wicked film has been building for years now (in many ways, it has been, as the idea for a Wicked movie has been in discussion for the past 25 years), and this week it’ll finally hit movie theatres. I’ve had the great privilege of seeing the film three separate times and have been anxiously anticipating the reactions from specifically my community and audience as I know we share in passion, love and excitement for Wicked in general.

I have so many thoughts, and could go on and on and on forever about how striking I found the film. So many things stood out: the way diversity and inclusivity was woven so seamlessly throughout from start to finish, the small details (Nessa’s tornado heel, the symbolism of flowers), the splashy dance numbers and how hyper-explored the relationship between Elphaba and Glinda was. The space, scale and time that film (as a medium) offered the piece really allowed it to accomplish what I believe an adaptation must—explore the intricacies that previous mediums could not via the utilization of the unique aspects of the new medium. The theatrical piece must be succinct, and must favor music, visual and storytelling in equal parts to succeed. The text version must be ornate, thorough and descriptive to succeed. But the film version can utilize visuals to storytell in a uniquely dynamic way, while simultaneously using the time that the two film set-up allows to explore character dynamics and symbolism more intimately. What really strikes me as so special is the honesty pulsing throughout all two hours and twenty two minutes (I believe that’s the exact length), it feels like a mirror held up to society, at a time where we are in desperate need of the reflection looking back at us. It was perfectly cast (though I never denied that), and I can’t wait to see it again (in just a clock tick).

10/10

What I’ve Been Reading:

They’re Going to Love You by Meg Howrey

If I’m being so honest, I’ve been in a bit of a reading rut lately, and I’ve been scouring my bookshelves for something to help me out of it. Typically, my best friend Julia and I have entirely opposite book tastes—she prefers plot heavy, romance, fantasy and lit fic and I prefer prose heavy lit fic, nonfiction and the occasional genre-bending oddball. We constantly joke that if one of us loves a book, the other will probably hate it, so it helps us decide what not to read. That said, there is a rare occasion where we both fall head over heels for a book, and this book happens to be one of them. My review is forthcoming as I am still in the middle of it, but it was a Julia recommendation that is really speaking to me. It follows the childhood of a girl named Carlisle who visits her father in New York City where he lives with his partner James just two weeks of each year, and what transpired over the course of her life in those two week stints (beginning deep in the middle of the AIDS crisis, 1980s). It is moving, flowery, beautiful and of course prose heavy (but also has a really lovely plot as well).

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

It startles me when I realize that although so many of us love the story of Little Women, whether via the film or just hearing it throughout our lives, we haven’t actually sat down to read the novel. It is the perfect, cozy, fall to winter transition novel. I tend to pick it up and page through it every year at this time of year to be nostalgic and also to be comforted. If you’re in a reading rut, this is where I recommend you go first.

How America Embraced Gender by Jia Tolentino for The New Yorker

One of the best post election pieces I read, written by the essayist of our generation Jia Tolentino (you have to read Trick Mirror if you’ve yet to). I always appreciate Jia’s POV.

Will the 4B Movement Deepen our Gender Divide? By Maalvika Bhat for Substack

One of my friends (who I actually met on the internet) Maalvika wrote this piece for her Substack. In the days following the election, I found myself inexplicably weary of the uptick in interest in the 4B Movement. Not because I don’t think women deserve to set boundaries in the aftermath of the election, not because I think it’s a bad idea to cut men off from sex/dating/relationships, but because I wondered if movements such as 4B would actually worsen the gender divide explored in Tolentino’s piece above. Maalvika put a lot of my thoughts into words. She astutely explored the nuance I think a lot of the discourse is missing online, and I wanted to share it here.

I’m 16. On November 6th the Girls Cried. The Boys Played Minecraft. By Naomi Beinart for the New York Times

I didn’t know I needed this take on the election by a 16 year old girl (who you will find is far more eloquent than I am), but I did. In a heartbreaking way, it grounded me to know that all girls and women—across all age ranges, feel this similar despair. We are in this together. We are not alone. It’s also interesting to think about how a Trump presidency impacts different age groups. Of course being in college for the first Trump term, and being in a quarter life crisis for the second one is unique, but so is having been in middle school for the first and high school the second.

All Hail the Theatre Kid! (We Mean that Seriously) By Esther Zuckerman for The New York Times

As a break from political news, I stumbled on this sweet ode to the theatre kid. It made me cry. Not sure if that’s universal.

What I’ve Been Listening to:

Messy by Lola Young

I am sure I have a world beyond this song to discover when it comes to Lola Young, but as of right now, it's just this song, on repeat, 24/7. The song (to me) is basically about never being enough for people as a messy, all-over-the-place, chatty, loud woman, and how difficult it is to fit into society’s expectations when it comes to our own individuality and also womanhood.

Maggie Rogers

I once heard someone say Maggie Rogers is the ‘perfect amount of famous’—and what they meant by this is that she definitely is underrated, but is also rated enough that the general population does recognize her talent, but her fan base feels really chill, tame and calm. Like she’s selling out Madison Square Garden, but also, it isn’t a bloodbath to get tickets. Maggie Rogers has been a mainstay in my Spotify playlist rotation for years now, but I’m really in a moment right now where every song of hers is speaking to me in a way they never have before, and I absolutely love her.

What I’ve Been Obsessing over:

Wedding planning

If I haven’t said so enough, I got engaged in late September. I’ve recapped in video formats on TikTok and Instagram, and while I could tell the story a million times over, it's probably redundant for those of you who have already heard it, so instead I’ll pivot to talking about wedding planning instead. As a lifelong theatre kid (who majored in producing), the Venn Diagram between theatre producing and wedding planning are a circle. Theatre kids truly are better prepared than literally anyone else for life’s challenges, tasks and milestones. I’ve changed my mind a million times, but now that we have a date, a venue, a band and many of the other details figured out—I have lots of thoughts on the early stages of wedding planning. What I think I’ve realized is that society and the bridal industry at large puts an insurmountable amount of pressure on brides, reminding them CONSTANTLY that this will be the ‘best day of your life’ over and over and over again. At first, I didn’t even realize this pressure was getting to me. Eventually, I reframed my mindset away from the most important and best day of my life to a really important day in my life, where my goals are to have a great time, and look hot. Once I reframed my mindset in this way, I was so much more level-headed going into the venue selection process. Now that we have our venue/band/date/linens/flowers/rabbi sorted out, I’ll take a little break until 2025 to revv up the planning. I will say, one of my favorite parts of wedding planning so far has been how creative I’ve been able to be. I think by blocking out ‘2025/2026 wedding trend’ forecasts, articles and videos, and instead creating the day using creativity and our love story as a guide, I’ve also alleviated a lot of the stress.

Video Essays

Reading is my #1 favorite way to learn, but coming in at spot #2 is video essays. They’re exactly what they sound like, and are the piece of media for treadmill struts, doing your hair or makeup, folding your laundry or just when you need something to watch. Veronica (naturally) turned me onto video essays, and I wanted to share some of the best YouTube essayists.

Jordan Theresa - Jordan does critical deep dives into pop culture and internet trends, and I love both her style of video and the topics she covers. I tagged a really interesting one on the ‘death of the clean girl’ via the lens of BRAT summer.

Uncarley - Similarly to Jordan, Carley focuses mostly on pop culture and media, she’s newer to the scene, but I recently discovered her via this video about the ‘Uglies’ movie and was obsessed.

Mina Lee - For my movie/fashion/book obsessed girlies, you’re going to want to check out Mina Lee. Her videos about everything from rom-coms to milk always have me sat.

Tiffany Ferg - Queen of cultural commentary, Tiffany Ferg will open your eyes on subjects you haven’t even thought about (or at least not in the way she’s thinking about it).

RealLifeLore - Not so much video essays as they are mini documentaries with amazing graphics, if you want pretty much any global conflict/ historical moment and more explained to you, you’ll want to check out RealLifeLore!

Journaling

I’ve always been a fiend for journaling, but on TikTok I’ve been doing a series called ‘Notebook November’ where I journal with my community every single morning using a guided prompt I came up with. The practice has definitely inspired me to want to continue my self-care rituals with the internet, be it journaling or otherwise. If you’re looking to purchase a journal and try it yourself, I recommend the Shinola hard linen medium-lined journal. For starters, your first prompt can simply be tell me what went wrong yesterday, tell me what went right yesterday, tell me what you want to change to have a better day today.

Where I’m Going:

FiDi… and more…

So long Jersey, you’ll find someone. Kidding, I’ll always be a Jersey Girl at heart. My Fiancé is from Houston, and his job is also based here (but he’s been working remotely for the past year). Since we started dating, he’s been pretty transparent about the fact that he’d likely have to eventually relocate to Texas for his career. Over the past few years, we’ve been forming a plan that makes the most sense for us next steps wise, and have known for a pretty long time that our big goal would be to own an apartment in New York City and also live in Houston. I have never shared this goal online because I do like to keep some stuff to myself, and honestly there are certain milestones in my life that I don’t necessarily need tons of feedback on (even if it's positive feedback)! Now that we’re getting closer to making this dream a reality, I decided it was time to share. In January we’ll start renting an apartment in FiDi as a part time place for work opportunities and family stuff on the east coast, and also have a house down in Houston. I travel a lot for work, and don’t anticipate this changing, so I know the next year will look as chaotic as it did this year, just with some changes in scenery. I’m hoping that over the course of the next year I can start making moves to permanently own a place in New York, but we do need to take one thing at a time.

I know so many creators and writers who split their time between two cities, and I hope to emulate that ‘bi-costal’ lifestyle (though it isn’t coast to coast, more coast to Houst, if you will).

I’m really excited for what this new chapter will bring me, from peace to new challenges and stories. I know not much will change for y'all, but I’m so excited that I get to share parts of my life with you and even more thankful that you’ve been here long enough that I can make my dreams a reality.

I hope that each and every one of you has a beautiful Thanksgiving holiday, whether you are with family or chosen family, or taking a well-earned or well deserved break. Enjoy moments with family or loved ones, feed your body (it is such a privilege to do so), tip your service workers and be kind to your retail workers and go get yourself a peppermint hot cocoa, because you deserve it.

I love you.

Xx.

Wake me up when November ends

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