it is (still) cancer season
Say Hello to your July newsletter :)
Hello to my besties old and new, and welcome (or welcome back) to the Drama Club.
I’m so excited, thrilled and elated that you’re here.
When I was growing up, the Drama Club was this magical, imaginative hideaway for me to feel free to be myself. I’ve so often wanted to recreate the feeling it is to find a home for yourself outside of the place your mail is addressed to—and that’s what I’m going to try to do here.
I can’t thank you enough for your patience, support and excitement around both this new chapter post Miss Congeniality and The Drama Club—my beloved newsletter that I’ve wished for the time to work on since I launched it. It turns out in order to find the time to work on something, you need to make that time for yourself. We’re all learning, so I’m willing to admit that I’m not afraid to be seen trying, which is a vulnerable state of being. As promised, I want this newsletter to follow a similar structure to my solo episodes of Miss Congeniality—a wordy, run-on sentence freckled with all of my deeper thoughts, working theories, recommendations and updates. I want this space to be for the innermost circle of my community—a safe corner of the internet where we feel free to be ourselves, expand and take up space, change and alter our opinions and minds and learn from one another. This medium may not be the one you’re most comfortable consuming content in (and I get that). It happens to be the one I’m most comfortable making content in—and I hope that makes for the most cozy experience possible for all of you. Also… AI has to be smart enough to dictate a 26 year old’s newsletter full of musings, right? So if you did want to listen to all of this instead of read it, perhaps that could be your avenue. But reading is good for you, so I hope at the least you’ll give me one shot to prove to you that it’s worth it.
It is my intention each month to start each newsletter with an update—what I’m watching, listening to, reading and obsessing over and where I’m going (as in travels, events, exciting things in the works). After our ‘updates’ section, I’ll follow with an essay of some kind, chronicling whatever theme, significant happening (either culturally and personally) or story I feel most called to write about that month.
On Instagram and on TikTok and even on Miss Congeniality, I feel so constantly pushed to over explain or qualify everything I say or do—and here at the Drama Club I am going to feel free to be my most messy, chaotic, authentic self. I wish so much to be free from the people who are consistently trying to misinterpret anything I say or hunt for a detail that confirms the story they have of me in their mind. Ultimately, I’ve realized that isn’t possible, so instead I’m choosing to focus on those of you who know my heart and my intentions—those of you who choose to see the best in me and understand that I, like you, am a girl trying to do my best (perhaps you are not a girl, and if that’s the case, know that you are more than welcome here… unless you are Andrew Tate, in which case you are VERY unwelcome). I am writing and editing this all on my own, and working incredibly hard on it, and I promise to always do my best.
I think I’m ready to get started, but just like any new project, the beginning is challenging and turbulent. Sometimes I think the best way to begin is just to begin. So that’s what I’m going to do here.
I love you. I’m so happy you’re here with me.
X.
UPDATES: what I’m reading, watching, listening to, obsessing over and all other things I wish to share.
What I’m Watching:
America’s Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders
(where to stream: Netflix)
At this point I assume none of you live under a rock and have at least HEARD of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders docuseries on Netflix that has become incredibly popular this past month. I personally did not grow up watching ‘Making the Team’ (a similar docuseries about the DCC, which premiered in 2006), so everything I learned about the DCC and competitive cheerleading in general came from the 2024 docu series on Netflix. I find it important to make this caveat because when I shared my thoughts on social media about the docuseries, I got lots of comments about the original show. So as someone who knew little to nothing about the DCC, I was actually blown away by the level of talent that the candidates for the DCC possess. I, of course, knew that NFL Cheerleaders were the best of the best at what they do—but never gave much thought to just how much technical training, dance talent and stage presence many, if not most, of these young women have. I think framing the docuseries by showcasing the insane amount of talent and passion, in addition to want, that these young girls have was a really nice choice by Netflix, because it really evoked pathos from the audience (or at least it did for me). Because I knew how much these girls (like Reece, for example) had invested emotionally and physically in the opportunity to audition for the DCC, I could both understand and empathize with her viewing her role as an honor. Once we met the coaches, team owners and other involved people in leadership positions, I was appalled by much of their behavior—including and not limited to the fact that most of the cheerleaders have to work 9-5 jobs in addition to their job as a DCC, because they aren’t paid a liveable wage as an NFL cheerleader. It was helpful to see how much these girls want this in order to understand how they justify little pay and poor treatment. I’m glad the show illuminated this disparity, because if you had asked me prior to watching, I would’ve assumed NFL cheerleaders are making a liveable salary as cheerleaders alone.
What really struck me as insane though, was the way in which the coaches and choreographers consistently leveraged the fact that many, if not all, of the girls are very religious and faithful as a means of manipulation. The girls seem to be constantly reminded by leadership, one another and those around them that being a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader is an honor and a privilege, and that it was God’s plan for them to have achieved a spot on the squad. If you truly believe that your role there is an honor and a privilege, and God’s plan, you may feel less empowered to advocate for yourself in regard to respectful treatment, better conditions or fair pay. If you truly believe that this was your God given destiny, it may feel greedy or inappropriate for you to raise any alarm bells about anything—including your wages. The financial aspect of being a DCC creates a clear barrier to entry as well, as many people cannot afford to relocate to Dallas with their only guaranteed salary being $20,000 or so a year from the DCC. I am generally not one who thinks that absolutely everything has to be inclusive with zero barriers to entry, and I don’t think the DCC has ever tried to pretend as though they are super focused on diversity, inclusion and compassion in general. That being said, I was pretty horrified at some of the blatant racism, extremely nitpicky and blunt appearance-based critiques and culture of disordered eating that is undeniable within the organization. The body shaming is out of control (the girls literally aren’t allowed to size up in their itty bitty uniform shorts… has anyone ever heard of ovulating?). It is also impossible to ignore the fact that the way that women of color are spoken about and portrayed is far different than the way white women are. The first two cuts made at training camp were both women of color, and fan favorite Anisha (who is also a woman of color) was cut soon after. Ultimately, I could go on forever, but I was so heartbroken for so many of these girls and what they go through, so enraged by the systems that perpetuate this type of emotional abuse and manipulation and felt that the docuseries was really well done. I recommend watching if you haven’t!
8.5/10
The Bachelorette (Jenn Tran’s Season)
I was surprisingly not a big Bachelor/Bachelorette fan until the pandemic, when I lived with a roommate who ran a Bachelor Twitter account, so I was always tuned in on Monday nights. The first season I watched was Matt James’ season, so I’m sure some of you think I really missed out on the glory days. Alas, I do think shows, books and media find you when you’re ready for them, so I’m glad I entered Bachelor Nation when I did.
As a collective, we all absolutely LOVED last season (Joey’s season) of the Bachelor. He was the perfect mix of nice guy, attainable but still hot, heartthrob energy that the show has been missing. Not to mention, his cast of women were so beyond likable, funny and gorgeous that it was a really fun season to watch. Lots of people thought the upcoming Bachelorette season would be runner-up Daisy’s or fan-favorite Maria’s but it ended up going to Jenn Tran—who was eliminated just prior to hometowns. This might be a hot take but I am SO glad that Jenn got this season of the Bachelorette.
There was a major lack of enthusiasm when she was announced during ‘After the Final Rose’, which I think stems from the fact that so many people wanted the spot to go to Maria. But ultimately, I think Maria is too strong willed and independent to be the Bachelorette, and will take her career in a completely different direction post Bachelor. Jenn was certainly nervous during her first interview after being announced but… who wouldn’t be. If the entire world isn’t rooting for you to get the spot and then they all act disappointed when you do, you too would feel really awkward and uncomfortable. It wasn’t that anyone didn’t want Jenn to have it, it’s that they were much more vocal about wanting other people to have it.
After watching the first two episodes, it's safe to say they made the right choice. Jenn is adorable, bubbly and she’s clearly SO excited to be there (which to me is probably the most important part). She also seems to be really fun and spontaneous which should make for a really good season. My favorite guy of hers after the first two episodes was Devin—he just gave me golden retriever vibes and is also getting the Maria treatment (everyone thinks he’s the villain but personally I don’t think he did anything wrong).
It's still early, but I’m looking forward to Monday nights now (I love to have something consistent to watch).
7/10
My Lady Jane, Queen Charlotte or a rewatch?
Other than those two, I’m at a bit of a stalemate with things to watch consistently. I’m considering starting My Lady Jane or Queen Charlotte, but the question always remains: will I get bored? I have to watch Bridgerton on 2x speed to get through it and I could always be down for a SATC, New Girl or Gossip Girl rewatch… any thoughts?
What I’m Listening to:
Norman Fucking Rockwell! By Lana Del Rey
I’ve never been in a Lana Del Rey phase before, so forgive me if I sound like a newbie (it's because I am one). I swear to God I didn't know who I was before I listened to NFR all the way through for the first time about a month ago. This album is pop perfection—a dreamboat of romantic fantasies and feminine urges, sexual desires and glam Hollywood meets gritty New York. NOT ONLY is every line a literal dagger to the heart (or a jumping off point for a really sultry novel) she’s also… hilarious? Your poetry’s bad and you blame the news… is something I’ve now considered getting tattooed (or just using as a future Instagram caption). I also feel like albums these days are getting shorter and shorter and shorter. 40 minutes is simply not going to cut it for me. I need to go on a journey—for over an hour (or an hour and seven minutes, thank you, NFR). I need something that’ll last me at least the commute from my apartment to the office where I get my lip filler done (almost exactly an hour). Anyway, I could go on and on, but if you haven’t listened before or haven’t listened lately I highly recommend going outside in this swampy heat and walking around feeling the sun on your skin absolutely blasting this album while you do it. Thank me later.
10/10 (rare)
Era’s (Eli’s Version)
When I’m not listening to Lana or one of my many Broadway playlists, I am very dedicated to my Taylor Swift playlist (of 3 hours and 8 minutes) titled Era’s (Eli’s Version). This playlist basically takes you through my ideal Era’s Tour setlist… and is essentially my favorite 40 or so Taylor Swift songs, in order of Era (identical order to the current tour’s order). If you haven’t, I’d consider making your own, because it's an excellent default playlist to play at any time, for any reason.
9/10
Hairspray (original Broadway cast recording)
I rarely give any piece of musical theater the stamp of ‘perfection’... but Hairspray is perfect to me. Every now and then I feel a deep need to revisit the OBCR (not the movie version, I’m sorry but they cut some MAJORLY good songs and I don’t necessarily care for Zac Efron’s voice). I love the film version as much as the next girl, but the original Broadway cast recording is always going to do it for me.
10/10
What I’m Reading:
Intermezzo by Sally Rooney
I was lucky enough to be gifted an ARC (advanced reader copy) of Sally Rooney’s forthcoming book Intermezzo… and I’m loving it. This book is WEIRD. It's about two grieving brothers in the wake of their father’s death and their relationships to both other people, and one another. It isn’t really anything like her other books, so if you fell in love with her through Normal People—I wouldn’t lower your expectations, but rather, change them. This book is gritty, human and uncomfortable in a way that pushes the boundaries of the ways in which her other books were those things. Furthermore, it follows an (on paper) pretty banal cast of characters as they experience life and grief, sex and love, but it isn’t exactly romantic or dreamy in the way her other books are. It also doesn’t feel as relatable, or normal. This one is more painfully true, emotionally complicated and in some ways much more prickly and sad. It is written in the third person omniscient POV (much like Little Women) so it's in the third person, however the narrator also knows the thoughts, feelings and motivations of three of the characters. The POV swaps between both brothers every other chapter, and the writing style utilized is EXTREMELY different depending on which brother’s POV you’re in. The older brother Peter’s chapters are written in fragments, sometimes making little to no sense. The writing style mirrors Peter’s inner thoughts as an anxious, type A and blunt hot-shot lawyer. His actions, surroundings and experiences are described as he thinks and sees them. It's almost as though she managed to combine third and first person into this other tense, where the pronouns used are he/she/they but the writing seems to be exactly what Peter sees and experiences from his own perspective. The younger brother Ivan’s chapters are written with a bit more standard structure and cadence, and you feel as though there is a narrator describing the things Ivan sees and experiences. That said, he tends to speak A LOT more than Peter and does a lot of word vomiting, so his chapters have lots of run-on sentences and extra information you either don’t necessarily need to follow the plot OR can potentially inform Peter’s experiences (because he’s a bit more closed off). Ultimately, the book does not have a heavy or engaging plot and relies much more on character development, character relationships and prose.
In my opinion, Rooney wrote Normal People and Conversations with Friends to toe the line between literary fiction and commercial fiction—because she knew this way she could hit the literary scene a bestseller, make money through selling the rights as film and tv adaptations and generate a dedicated fan base of readers. That said, I think she’s always wanted to err on the more experimental side of literary fiction with her writing, and finally feels she is in a place as an established author where she can take the risks she’s always wanted to. Intermezzo is wonderfully weird and delightfully experimental and I love this shift from her .
I cannot WAIT for you guys to get your hands on this—especially if you’re a fan of Eve Babitz and Joan Didion… it really feels like she’s dipping her toe into a new era and I’m so excited to see what comes next!
9/10
I have a subscription to The Atlantic, The New Yorker and The New York Times (I love literary journals and magazines). I try to put aside a few hours a month to read and ingest something more than bite sized news pieces or bits of information from these sites and journals. I feel it keeps me sharp as a journalist too! I loved this piece about ‘turning your parents into content’ which specifically follows Francesca Scorsese (yes, that Scorsese) and discusses the psychological impact of young TikTokers integrating their parents into their content.
Modern Love is my all time favorite section of the New York Times and I’ll never pass up the opportunity to check out what the great (and often previously undiscovered) essayists today are writing about. This one was published in the middle of the month, and, as always, brought a tear to my eye (literally cannot get through a Modern Love piece without crying)!
What I’m Obsessing over:
Watching people live their most fabulous, unattainable, aggressively high end lives on TikTok
TikTok discourse be damned because I find it so wildly entertaining and comforting to watch Bethenny Frankel, Alix Earle, Nara Smith, Pookie and more enjoy their lavious, luxurious lives on TikTok. I have legitimately seen every single bit of discourse where people say they’re ‘over the influencer’ and feel ‘disgusted watching influencers fly private’ and I GET where the discourse is coming from. I also agree with most of it. The wealth gap in the United States is continuing to widen, we’re in the midst of a cost of living crisis and everything is so damn expensive. The fact that the most popular faces on the most popular social media app happen to be people who are, or already were, insanely rich illuminates the disparity between influencer and everyone else. It breeds comparison, jealousy and shows how simply unfair the economic system in this country is. If you find this content out of touch or difficult to watch or you just fucking hate it—that is totally 100% OK. But me personally… I’m not going to lie… I love it. I love watching Alix Earle and her gaggle of friends party in Montauk all week. I love watching Pookie unbox an Hermes bag. I love watching Nara Smith make tortilla chips from scratch in her absolutely stunning kitchen. I love watching ALL of it. Mostly, I like watching content where people live their best, most authentic lives and some parts of content like this feels like it isn’t reality to me… it feels like an escape. It’s entertaining, it’s occasionally outrageous, it keeps you wanting more—it’s like having a reality TV show in your phone for people with short attention spans. My entire FYP for the past week has been the Ambani wedding and I am NOT complaining.
And please, save me the discourse. I promise I’ve heard it and I understand it and I validate it. I just want to turn my brain off after a long day and watch Emily Mariko’s farmer’s market haul in peace.
Thong flip flops (in a Carolyn Bessette Kennedy way)
Just look up a photo of CBK’s fashion, and then go on Amazon and order a $20 pair of plain cute thong flip flops. I can’t explain it but they give this elevated, chic look to any outfit. In my opinion they’re also very classy (but strike the balance of being super BRAT summer as well).
Tulips
Is it just me or have the tulips been so much better this year than prior years? Did I even pay attention to the tulips from prior years? Did they warrant attention? Have I been sleeping on tulips or have they genuinely been so much more beautiful this year?
I do not have the answers but I also cannot leave Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods without them. And I will be decorating for my 26th birthday party with tulips (in pink and yellow and maybe white if they have those). Highly recommend becoming a tulip girl!
I am not a big spray tan girl (anymore, I used to be) because I feel like spray tans have gotten worse in quality and simultaneously more expensive. Also, I really like to move my body and feel really uninclined to workout post spray tan to preserve the tan. However, I recently found the most incredible self tanner that doesn’t break you out, creates the most even tan, is made from natural ingredients, smells great and doesn’t stain your clothes. I’m obsessed with it, I tan weekly now, and I linked it above so my girls who are anti-spray tan pro- self tan can try it out.
BRAT summer
I feel like Charli XCX released this album in tandem with my plans for a spontaneous girl summer (and subsequently, a spontaneous girl life). It isn’t so much the album I’m obsessing over, though I do really enjoy it, but the vibe. The I-don’t-give-a-fuck-say-what-you-mean-to-my-face-embarassment-is-a-choice energy radiating off the album really speaks to me. Sometimes you just have to be messy. Because life is messy. Sometimes you have to sleep in your makeup, or spontaneously decide to go out or go on a trip or have a crazy night. We’re young after all, and I appreciate someone in the world gently pushing back on the wellness culture trying to convince us everything we use, eat and do is full of toxic chemicals (when really this is just a ploy to get us to buy expensive ‘natural’ ‘organic’ things and repackage eating disorders as wellness).
Where I’m going:
I am traveling for most of the rest of the year… which is what happens when you’re in your spontaneous era. Here’s where I’m headed through the end of July and August. Please let me know if you have any recommendations!
East Hampton!
By the time you’re reading this I’m in fact… packing to head there! My best friend Veronica is home for the summer and living in East Hampton with her mom so I’m going to visit to celebrate OUR birthdays (we are four days apart. Very iconic). Julia will also be joining us because… no girlie left behind. We’re leaving the day after my birthday. I love East Hampton so much because it does have a bit of a toned down vibe from the other Hamptons and Montauk (as it relates to nightlife mostly). I’m looking forward to keeping things chill and reading a lot too.
St. Louis
Right after I return from the Hamptons I’m heading back to St. Louis (honey, I’m home!)! The MUNY (regional theater where I interned in college) invited me down to do a talk back with the current interns, come see some rehearsals and attend the OPENING night of Waitress (starring Jessica Vosk). I’m bringing my bestie Emma and I’m genuinely so excited. This experience is so full circle to me and I can’t wait to meet all the interns.
Chicago
I’m long overdue for a weekend in Chicago with Allie (I haven’t visited her there in a bit). Plus when my boyfriend goes away on vacation sometimes I go too just because… I hate sleeping alone. I know it's pathetic, but it really is an OCD thing I’m trying to work toward getting over. I love being alone (during the day) . I just watched so much SVU in college that I now cannot stay at home alone at night (I mean I can, I just don’t prefer it). Anyway, he’ll be away so I’m also going to go away because what’s better than a bestie weekend!
Austin + Houston
My boyfriend and I are obsessed with Austin and Houston (he’s from Texas). They’re legitimately my favorite cities. We’re heading down for an annual lake weekend with his friends and then to see his family and catch up. It’ll be hot but I absolutely LOVE lakes (my favorite bodies of water, in fact), so I’m looking forward to it!
& that’s all for your updates this month!
The last year of my life has been a tornado, a whirlpool, a daydream, a google calendar full of chaos and joy and butterflies. It was the craziest, most affirming, most formative year of my entire life so far. I re-read my journal entry from July 22nd, 2023 (my birthday last year) which I wrote in London, where I was visiting Veronica. I wrote about how scared I was for the year to come. I wrote about what I was hoping would happen and how I was hoping I had the strength, wisdom and bravery to get me through. At that point I knew I was on the precipice of my debut book I Didn’t Know I Needed This coming out in December, my very first live show in front of a sold out audience in New York on the same day, pitching my second book to publishers and hoping to hear back with good news and a massive 13 city book tour I was going to plan, execute and perform basically all by myself.
I wanted to do my best. I wanted to become a New York Times Bestseller (and although I outsold half the list, I didn’t make it). I wanted to be Forbes 30 Under 30 (also didn’t make it). I wanted to make myself proud. I wanted to make all of you proud. I felt like so much was riding on the year ahead, and I feared it not going my way. At the end of it, it didn’t really go my way, as far as accolades go. But it went my way for so many other reasons.
Looking back, I am proud. I am proud of myself. I am proud of us. I can’t believe I published my debut book at 25 years old and over 25,000 people have read it since. I cannot believe I got to hold so many of your hands and hear your stories after we laughed and laughed together at my live shows. I cannot believe I walked out on stage in Washington, DC and there were 600 people screaming back at me. I cannot believe what I accomplished, even when I didn’t get awarded the accolades I so desperately manifested.
While I am proud of the book and of the tour and of Does Anyone Else Feel This Way, I am mostly proud of the inner growth I’ve experienced. I feel like a fresh, new version of myself. And for once, without any caveat, I really do feel like someone I love. And that to me is all that really matters. Growth can be really shitty, really uncomfortable and really painful. In fact, I think it's meant to be those things. And it was those things. On the other side now, I feel like a breath of fresh air.
Going into this next year, I’ve switched my tune a bit. I’m so excited to be 26. I’m so excited to take on everything that comes my way. I am asking for nothing but health, peace and the opportunity to create and connect. I want this next year to be fun. Spontaneous. Flirty. Fresh. Young. Sweet. I want to live this life as the privilege and opportunity that I recognize it is. No more playing it safe. No more needing to be in control. I want to get out of my comfort zone, do my best for my loved ones, and all of you and most importantly for myself.
I’m really excited to share 26 important things I’ve learned in the last 26 years that I plan to carry with me into every day that I am so blessed to live going forward.
26 things I learned by the age of 26
If people are upset with you, angry with you, have an issue with something you did or said… it is their job to tell you. You cannot read someone’s mind, you cannot assume other people can read your mind. The best way out is through communication, and the best people will be willing to communicate with you when they are upset, hurt or just need to get something off their chest. That doesn't mean they hate you, it means they want you in their life and need to have this conversation in order to keep you in their life. So if nobody has said anything to you about hating you or being mad at you, they aren’t. We are all adults who can properly communicate when something bothers us. You need to hold the people around you to the standard you hold yourself to.
If someone has feelings for you, you will know. Even if they do not tell you explicitly, you will know because you will be made to feel adored, affirmed and comfortable. You will not feel anxious. You will not be posting Instagram stories just to check if they viewed them. You will not be overanalyzing every text you send before you send it, or wondering where they are and why they aren’t reaching out. You will not be uncertain or uncomfortable. You will not feel the need to play games with them to get them to like you. You will know. And if someone is not making it known or explicitly sharing their intentions or feelings, you should not want to be with them anyway. It is only a waste of time. There is someone out there who will give you everything you deserve and more without hesitation, and you should focus on finding them instead of wasting your energy on someone who will only take and never give.
Your parents are people who had a life, a personality, hobbies, interests and passions before you. They are people who don’t know everything, people who are imperfect and people who are trying their best. The older you get, the more you will view them as a human. Let that be heartbreaking and heartwarming. Whether or not you have a relationship with your parents, understanding that your mom was also once, literally, just a girl, is a really beautiful reminder.
In order to have a friend, you need to be a friend. Sometimes you may think someone is ‘ghosting you’ as a friend or ‘doesn’t want to hang out’ and meanwhile they’re sitting at home thinking the same things about you. The worst case scenario if you reach out to someone to ask to spend time together is that they do not reply. And that worst case scenario does not move you backward, does not change your life, does not change the kind of person you are, does not do irreplicable damage of any kind. It just is. So pick up the phone and be a friend.
Have really loud, really passionate opinions, but always be willing and brave enough to change them. Keep yourself open to the possibility of learning, always read both sides to every story. Allow other people to change their minds too. It seems to me that a lot of times when people get ‘canceled’ online, those doing the canceling have no real desire to give the person who has been canceled the space to apologize, change and grow. It seems they want to simply cancel them and that’s it. This world is nothing if we do not give people the chance to change their minds.
Literally nobody is thinking about you. Nobody. And if they are, it doesn’t matter. Letting the perception other people MIGHT have of you (but likely do not have of you) dictate how you live your life is a very limiting and limited way to live. If you don’t put yourself out there, do the things you want and go for it because you fear other people MIGHT perceive you as weird, awkward or embarrassing in some way you are preventing yourself from living YOUR life to the fullest. Nobody is thinking of you, nobody is thinking of you as much as you are thinking of you, they are thinking of themselves.
Spray the expensive perfume before your pilates class and light the nicest candle on a random Tuesday. The concept of saving nice things for special occasions is a futile effort. You never know if and when you’ll get to that special occasion. Don’t savor every good thing, sometimes you just need to let yourself enjoy it just because.
Don’t weigh yourself every day. Seriously. Nothing good will come of it.
Where you went to school and the grades you got don’t matter. Maybe it matters when you’re in law school or med school… but in the grand scheme of life and the meaning of it, those things don’t matter. Life is about living, not about a test score or what fancy job you got. You are not defined by numbers. On your death bed you will not be thinking of your grades or where you went to school, you will be thinking of the love you gave and the love you received in return. Dedicate your life to love instead of numbers.
Count memories, not calories. If it was your last day on earth today you would be absolutely devastated to know you spent it analyzing the nutritional facts of every single food you ate instead of picking up your head and looking at the miracle of the world around you. I regret every single holiday, occasion or outing with friends and family where I was too busy and concerned with the nutritional facts of the food I was eating to enjoy and make memories. I am devastated, heartbroken and deeply regretful that I wasted so much time worrying about something like the calories in a slice of pizza. I will never get those moments back.
Do not show up empty handed to someone’s house ever. Write thank you notes when someone gives you a gift or shows up for you. It is always the thought that counts.
You absolutely 100% need to be eating protein. If you don’t eat protein, you are going to feel like shit. It doesn’t need to come in the form of meat, it just needs to be protein.
Failure is just as good of an option as success. If you perceive failure as the opportunity to learn, and you live as though no choice you could ever make is the wrong choice because all of your choices are heading toward the place you’re meant to be—failure is not a bad thing. If you view life as an opportunity to succeed and get what you want, or learn a valuable lesson that will aid you toward getting what you want in the future—and not as success versus failure, you’ll be a happier person.
Nobody is going to be the love of your life until someone is. So stop getting so worked up about every first date that doesn’t work out for you. If I told you that you needed to go on ten first dates and the tenth person would be the love of your life you’d be so excited for things to not work out knowing each date was a step closer to your person. Desperation never wins. You are already whole. Already complete. You are looking for someone who can ADD to your overflowing cup. You are not looking for a missing piece. Show up like you know you can add something of value to the lives of others, not like you’re desperately searching for someone to do that for you.
You don’t have to… you get to. You don’t ‘have to’ workout or ‘have to’ go to this event for work or ‘have to’ go to your friend’s birthday party. You GET TO. You get the opportunity to be able bodied, to move your body in a way that serves you. To socialize and pay your bills and feed yourself. You get to.
Tell people you love them. Tell your partner one hundred times a day. Call your mom or your dad or your little brother and tell them. Tell your friends. Tell people who impacted your life. Tell people you love them, tell people how you feel. And don’t bury your kindness when you pass by a stranger and want to compliment them—you do not know how much they might need that.
Hobbies are not silly, not stupid, not a waste of time. Society will try to tell you that because hobbies and passions typically are not monetizable (or we don’t monetize them) and thus do not contribute to capitalism. But you need hobbies to keep yourself afloat, to live a balanced life. You don’t even need to be good at your hobby, you just need your hobby to be something that makes you feel good about yourself.
You are not defined by what you do. What you do for work is a means to living the life you’d like to lead. I learned this from traveling abroad and meeting people who are international or not American—the first thing (or even the first ten things) they ask you is never ‘what do you do for work’. They are far more interested in your hobbies, your passions, how you live your life, what makes you tick—how you pay your bills is typically the least of your concerns. You are not alive just to get a paycheck.
People treat you how you treat yourself. If you walk into a room acting like you belong to be there, people will think you belong to be there. If you walk into a room acting embarrassed, anxious and like you don’t know why you were invited—that’s how you’ll be perceived. Fake it ‘til you make it. Our conscious thoughts become our subconscious actions and eventually the confidence will not be fake, but within you.
Making traditions for yourself will save your life. Buy your coffee Friday, Chipotle Sunday, laundry Tuesday… they don’t have to be big or grand, they can just be small ways you check in with yourself and remind yourself you’re someone worth celebrating and treating.
You do not need to have 50 friends. You do not need to have a friend group. You do not need to have a bustling, crazy social life. You just need to surround yourself with people who you love, who love you back. You just need to go where you are wanted. You just need one person who would always save you if you were drowning, not 15 people who would maybe come save you if it was convenient for them.
Sometimes you really just need to self tan, meditate for 5 minutes and to drink 60 oz of water.
Anyone can learn how to cook. Cooking is both a talent and a skill and also just a regular action. Anyone can learn how. So you should. It is such a privilege to feed ourselves until we are full.
Positivity in, positivity out. Live by the law of attraction. When you put positivity out into the world, you receive it in return. When you put negativity into the world, that is all you're capable of receiving in return. Live like future you has what current you wants and current you is just working to get it.
Retail therapy actually works, it just isn’t a permanent solution. My grandmother used to say this (my dad tells me) all the time. If you have a bad day or a bad week, going on a little shopping trip and picking something out for yourself will actually make you feel better. It isn’t going to permanently solve the problems that caused your mood to sour, but it’ll certainly lift your spirits in the short term.
Women are the glue that holds the entire world together. And, once men can start to accept that, we can really work toward true equity and equality. If you are a woman who gains any type of opportunity in this world, hold the door open that was opened for you so other women can get through. There is no equality until we are all seated around the table—not just white cis women—trans women, Black women, brown women, immigrant women, mothers, older women, disabled women, young women—all of us.
It was so good to spend this time with you guys. As always—please share, comment, like and subscribe. This felt really good.
And remember, the show must go on.
X,
E
This might very well be better than a podcast. Love!
so happy you are back miss eli <3